From the lily pad...

To say my cat is not allowed on the counters or table would indicate I have some control over her. Many cat owners like to pretend their cats are trained to stay off of counters and tables, but they are fooling themselves. My cat has had complete control for some time now. I used to maintain some semblance of verbal control over her, but that is long gone.

She absolutely loses her mind when I cook venison. She will humor me on occasion by listening to my threats, but she doesn't even pretend to care that her life is threatened repeatedly when the aroma of venison hits her nostrils. She is bold enough to not wait for me to turn my back. No, she is lurking around with in licking distance of anything that contains remnants of meat. Cooking becomes quite a production. There is yelling, wielding of utensils, body blocks, and elbowing. When all of this fails I resort to a smack on the head that plummets her chin into the counter and her teeth click against one another. Still undeterred she counters with a meow of disdain. Multiple shoves to the floor follow with mumbles through gritted teeth.

Eating presents an encore performance similar to the first. Now that we are distracted she has the advantage. She gets into stealth mode. We are non the wiser until she, in her old age, narrowly misses a silent landing onto the counter by banging the cupboard on the way up. Our heads snap around knowing what is about to take place. Yelling with a food filled mouth is pointless, but is always the first attempt. Following the yelling with a slap on the table or a stomp of foot proves also to be futile. Physically removing her is the only option.

Usually we do cover pans with lids or bring the food to the table. Bringing the food to the table doesn't deter her, but at least we don't have to get up to beat her down. As you people with counter surfing dogs know, all it takes is to forget one thing on the counter and all their hard work has be justified. Since we seem to forget things frequently Jez has been rewarded over and over for this behavior. We are doomed!